I always have this question striking through my mind when some problem arise. I always think and sometimes i get myself lost in the world of thinking. Why it is happening and whom to blame for it. The issue may be as simple as it may be and as big as it could be, but i keep questioning myself.
When the problem regarding the national priority occurs; I keep on thinking. Whom to blame: Government or Opposition? Civil Servants or private sectors? I sometimes wonder why these sorts of problems occur. But i too have a thought that the world is not free of problems or sufferings. Yet i keep on thinking why can’t we minimize it for the beneficial of all sentient beings.
When problems related to organizations, departments, institutes occur; I again suffer thinking whom to blame: Director? Manager? or Employees? All sorts of problems do arise in these platforms too. The issue may be small or big but i see something goes wrong somewhere at any fraction of time.
When problems occur related to my family; My mind still gets its chance to rotate. Whom to blame: a father? Mother? Brothers? Sisters or myself? When the problems related to myself come into play, i think back million times: am i not the one who creates all sorts of problems? Am i not the one shattering all family dreams, plans, hopes and happiness. I also keep on wondering how can i help to get it better. I sometimes worry thinking that I may hurt my family’s hopes, aspirations and dreams. When i lay down on my bed i keep on thinking am i working tightly towards meeting the wants of my family. But sometimes when misfortune happens and bad things happen i again keep on thinking the aforementioned title time and again.
When problems related to my life occur; i think millions of times. I sometimes get myself lost in the world of getting no answer. The problems related may be with my teachers, friends, neighbors and my girl friend. When unwanted circumstances occur i keep on thinking why is it happening so. I keep on asking questions to myself: Am i the one creating such problems? Am i making mistakes? Am i taking a wrong path? Or am i not understanding what they meant? At last i suffer myself without finding any answer to the above-mentioned question.
So, eventually i winded up and found a solution that problems occur now and then, only the intensity differs. Its the responsibilities of every individual to think upon own responsibilities (rights and duties). I now don’t suffer thinking about why he/she is creating such problems, instead i question myself: am i not the one here? So if the answer says no; then i keep luring myself. If someone tries to think or do bad upon me, i keep thinking its okay for me if that gives immense pleasure and happiness for them. So….BE RESPONSIBLE and MAKE OTHERS HAPPY TOO…
When i was surfing Facebook, i found this interesting article but i don’t remember its actual source. So, i apologize for the writer.
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words…, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up
I was once roaming with my fellow friends in the small streets of Mongar town where i found a chit which says….
“I will live if I die also”…………
Many people in the world say, “Life is not a bed of roses”. For me life is what I cannot really explain for my readers to understand. Nevertheless, 2nd November, 2010 I lay on my bed, little sad, little tired but really missed some one really special; I write.
Getting together was a great challenge for me. Proposing (in simple word) was really a courage-consuming of mine. My mind was in romance. I was lost all times imagining about her only. I even could not eat my meals in time. My sister tried her best to comfort me but just in vain. She really understood my true feelings towards her. No matter what, I took the challenge to propose her rather than letting the pain reside permanently in my heart.
She was just laughing. I hardly controlled myself. I nearly fainted. She thought I was just like the modern boys who just propose girls for their luxurious beneficial only. I never had such feelings in the beginning itself. Sorry she had one who loved like I did. Really jealous of him, yet I had to understand how the pain of love is when a flush of wind blows in between. Then we were the best friends. We talked through phone almost regularly. The time came for where my fate turned to her. They encountered a problem or misunderstanding. I had to console my dear friend for losing her boy. Frankly speaking, I had a pain residing deep in my heart for not being able to be with her but she was never sad for me. He was sad as they had no relation. But I never knew what happened. May be not respecting each other or not understanding each other.
We were together since then. Many happy days passed like a wild fire. Every happy moment is followed by sadness as every advantage is followed by its disadvantage. Years being passed. ……………………………
2013 is so close which leads me to think in many possible ways. The year will be full of happiness and satisfaction for whole my families, relatives and well-wishers for i graduate after studying for sixteen years hunting for the knowledge and wisdom in my entire life. I with my other friends will be walking on the beautiful stage of Royal Thimphu College and receiving the hardly earned fruit of my life.
On the other hand, i always wonder which way i may have to take after my graduation. I understand and know most of my friends who graduated recently face the same problem. To sit for Bhutan Civil Service Examination or to go for further studies or to join in corporates may be some of my predicted decisions soon my brain has to decide. I wonder which path will be the best and in which manner i can serve my king, country and people the best. I always have great hope and expectation to serve tsa wa sum (King, country and people) with utmost dedication and loyalty but i always keep on thinking how will i fulfill my dream. Will i get that chance?
I always strive for experiences, knowledge and wisdom but i too on the other hand doubt that am i really equipped to face the real world. Am i ready to serve with my utmost dedication and loyalty. So, i would like to pass this message to all my fellow-readers to think the similar cases with all of you and have a thought upon it………..